Let’s start with the crud…It’s not fun! I feel like I have had the crud off and on for about two months now. Whenever the weather changes down here, I get sick. I can’t breathe. I cough if I talk; and I cough if I walk. My sides are sore from coughing and my throat is sore from all the drainage (sorry, TMI). Mucinex, Benadryl, and Claritin do not work and I feel drowsy all day when I take them. I can’t win!
On top of that, I have not been sleeping well this week and yesterday, I typed up 18 single spaced pages worth of case notes. Needless to say, I am fried. Between the crud and lack of sleep, I have not made it to the gym for kickboxing or trained at all this week for my upcoming 5k. There is a reason my blog is titled Broken Resolutions… because life happens…
Life really does happen when you least expect it…My Bugaboo had a mini meltdown at daycare this morning when I dropped him off. He has never been the one to cry when I leave him. Quite the opposite. He is usually the happy-go-lucky child that enters the room, walks up to a fellow friend, and says, “What’s up buddy?” Well, for the past couple of weeks, I have noticed that one day he may cry when I leave but the next day, that he is fine. It’s not a regular thing. It breaks my heart every time he cries when I step out of his room, but by the time, I walk to the front of the daycare to watch him on the video monitor, he appears to be fine. It’s been a rough past couple of weeks emotionally for me, because I’m not used to the separation anxiety at daycare. It is all pretty much new to me; I have been spoiled.
This morning, like most other mornings, he woke up in a good mood. He was all smiles and asked to watch “Woodys” (Toy Story). Later, when we pulled into the parking lot, he was even kicking his feet around in his car seat trying to sing the alphabet song “h, c, a” (hey, at least he is trying, lol). Bugaboo was even fine when I walked him in the room and signed in. However, the minute I tried to set him down to eat breakfast, he wrapped his legs and arms around me and held on for dear life. The teacher had to pry him off me while I darted out of the room. I stopped outside of the door to where he could not see me but I could see him. He was screaming and crying at the same time… and you know when kids hold their breath for a while before letting it all out… well, he was doing that. Then I started to cry. One of the directors of the daycare came up to me and assured me he would be fine and said she would go in there with him until he calmed down. He did calm down but it took a little while this time.
I was a wreck. I’m just not used to this. I want my little Bugaboo back, the one that would run off to his friends but always look back to wave and say “bye bye mommy”… ok, ok, so, I had to tell him bye first and wave-like a mommy maniac with a big cheesy smile before he said that but still… tug at your heartstrings moment… I would just stand outside his door and watch him play, thinking to myself ,that adorable living creäture was my child…my baby… ok, Whoa, pull the reins back, I’m getting carried away… sorry, told you I was an emotional wreck today.
By the way, our daycare is great and so are his teachers (so far). We have never really had a major problem(hope it stays that way) and he normally gets excited when we turn into the parking lot each morning. He has the same morning teachers that he has had since moving up to his new class and has all the same friends from when they were 6 weeks old. Our morning routine is the same and is the same at school. To my knowledge, there have been no recent changes. He hasn’t even had an incident report this week, (I think.)
I just feel so guilty. This morning was rough and when you add no sleep plus a crazy workweek, your emotions will start to get the best of you. I feel like a horrible mom at times. I know I’m doing the best I can and I am not the only mom who has struggled with these emotions… but hearing your child scream for you and having to turn and walk away is one of the hardest things in the world to do. I even jokingly but seriously mentioned to the big leagues today that we need an in-house daycare. Half of the staff is pregnant or already has little ones! J
Anyway, sorry to burden you guys with all that. I know today’s post is not exactly cheerful and I apologize; but you will probably see the good, the bad, and the ugly at one time or another.
Are there any working moms out there reading this? Any advice, tips, or suggestions? Please speak up!!!
I was trying to play with sun-flare (photo of GQ on the stairs) because I love the way it looks on several photos I have seen. However, I could not get it right and my photo doesn’t look right. So, if any photographers out there are reading this, please give some feedback and or tips on how to do it correctly.