I don’t know about you but there are days when I feel like I just can’t catch a break. Today is one of those days.
The dismal weather outside reflects my poor mood now. I can’t shake it and not sure if I want to.
I’m always struggling. I struggle to lose weight, live a healthy active lifestyle, and catch up financially. I get discouraged easily, especially when things don’t work out as planned.
My weight loss isn’t really happening despite my efforts. I feel like I lose a few inches and then gain it back the next week. Granted I did eat some cake and a cupcake for Bugaboo’s birthday but other than that, I haven’t been eating unhealthy or eating a lot of food. I haven’t worked out this week but I had the stomach virus earlier and just haven’t felt up to it. I will get back on track with that on Monday.
I just wonder why it always seems so hard for me. Some people seem to have it all and are naturally fit and can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound. Then there is me who eats a hamburger and gains 5lbs. I wish I knew what it was like to not constantly struggle with my weight or eating habits. I’m so tired of battling this endless war.
I don’t know what the deal is. I feel better and healthier than I have in months, but when I tried on a new pair of pants last night at Kohl’s, they were the same size I’m in now and fit perfectly. I didn’t want the same size pants to fit me perfectly. I wanted them to be too big! Shopping for clothes is depressing. I thought some retail therapy might improve my mood but it only made it worse.
Thank heavens my mom and sister were with me and were able to cheer me up a bit, but still… I want to see some big changes that stick and not yo-yo back and forth. I’m ready for change! I’m ready to get back into all my old cute and stylish pre pregnancy clothes. I’m almost to the point of saying forget losing weight the healthy way and bring on the diet pills and diet shakes, because I know they worked before, lol.
I know I’m not going to give up just yet, but if I don’t catch a break soon… I don’t know.
There are other things I feel like I can’t catch a break on… finances… or getting ahead at work… it has been crazy lately. On the other hand, the crazier it becomes, the more motivation I have to study for the GRE and get into graduate school. The only way to ever advance in the field of social work is to have your masters and LCSW license… I’ve put it off long enough, but after looking at what some starting LCSW positions are paying… my butt will be hitting the books this summer. One civilian social work position with the Army was offering over $25,000 more than what I earn now… so, yah… instead of watching a movie before bed with Man-Child, I will be working out math problems and brushing up on vocab terminology.
OH! And to add to my pity party… somehow I’ve misplaced one of Bugaboo’s hats, my iPod, new video camera, and my favorite designer sunglasses that I’ve had for over 5 years. I almost want to say I’ve been robbed but don’t really think that is the case. I just can’t find anything! The house isn’t even a mess. I’m losing my mind… I swear. It’s so frustrating to lose things when you know they are expensive items… just blows my mind. So, I was unable to record Bugaboo’s birthday or his priceless shrieks and facial expressions when he opened up his present to find his own helmet.
There is just a lot going on and instead of being positive and making the most of it… I’m sulking and throwing myself a pity party. But I can only throw it until 5pm because after work, I have my good friend’s wedding rehearsal and dinner to go too and the maid of honor cannot be sulking at such an event!
Wishing everyone a happy, safe, and fun-filled weekend!
On a more positive note, I did plan my meals for next week. I couldn’t sleep last night so broke out an old weight watcher cook book from the 80’s that my grandmother gave me. Found some good stuff. I’ll share next week.